I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
