dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My feet surprised me
Randomize
