a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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