I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
