Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
