i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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