Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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