I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
