Got a toothbrush?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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