I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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