I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
