So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Ketchup is God's man juice
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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