just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
