Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
