the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
