I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
