He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
