Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
