he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
