oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
