Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
