Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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