At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
