I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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