Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
