I want to stick my p in your. b.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
