I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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