Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
