I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
