i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
