Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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