I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize