Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
