return my video game
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
