I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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