Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
