I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
