Already got asked if we're dating
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Enjoy the penises
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
