My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's blow job season.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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