Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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