he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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