All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
