I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
