If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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