nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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