So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This is classic penis vs brain.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
