me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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