Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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