Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
