dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
