I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
