well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
