i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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