I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
tell me about the fingering
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