I'm gonna have a badass scar
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
